please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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