ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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