CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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