Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
