She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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