Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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