woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
