No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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