I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My bed smells like the plague
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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