Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
