I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
