It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
