he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
