im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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