trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
