I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
