ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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