Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
