she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
