Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
