Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
