farters have to be the big spoon...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
