she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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