I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
