And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
