I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
