honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
