In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
