Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
