Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dignity is for republicans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
