I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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