I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
