threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
