You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
