I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
soo... how was my night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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