I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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