it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
