My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
