I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
