there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
