People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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