Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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