Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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