I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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