i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
