theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
