also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
