she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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