He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
