So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
