you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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