if i can run in heels then i can drive
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
