My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is wine microwaveable?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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