there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
